Silence is a bittersweet state of mind

Silence is the chest and darkness is t key whic unlocks tepart ofme I desperately keep secret

Sweet silence only the sound of heavy breath releasing mounds of stress

And blood pumping away sustaining the shell of the person that once was whole

Or maybe never was, but silence has always been 

In silence and only redeemed by silence is the self that no one wanted to know

And the self that was't encouraged

Silence cloaked that self, nurtured it, shielded it from the burdens and pains of life's many stresses 

The self that survives in the noise and light of others is not a self at all

It is fake and imagined by the sadistic people who strive to change me and mold me

Into the perfect, quiet, yes man they want me to be

But my true self will never be that because of the disappoinment that plagues the fake self

I can never be what fake self strives to be nor what real self needs to be, wants to be or attempts

In the silence I am weak and vunerable, all guards are down and my thoughts roam free

Silence hides the insecurity and reveal it at the same time

Silence forces reflection until it forces self-deprecation until it forces madness and sweet darkness

Silence is rare and utter bliss as I get a break from the stably unstable emotions of the outside self

Hidden witin myself  have hid myself, showing its flaws, traits, and attributes only to the mirror of silence

I cannot be nor will I ever be what I need or what outside self or any of my selves need

Sitting here as thoughts I never acknowledge flash by until there is only spaced out darkness

In this reclusive space my self awaits as the clouds of hands pressed over ears and overdue scream roll in

Bare feet against dewy grass hands spread as the silence descends like a fog and rain mixture

Each drop enveloping me and evolving the self that see no more daylight than the night

The silence descends as the eye of the storm, a break between the noise

But all good things have weakness and the noise finds its way back home in the heart

My self recedes back with a cold left from the silence into a home

My much loathed self reappears and takes stage for all those who believe

That this shell of a broken person is ME