She says it's okay to cry.

Says it's okay to show emotion.

But the feeling of helplessness and not being in control

sends a cold fear through me.

I can't think straight.

I don't know what to say.

My heart contracts and swells.

 

She says it's okay to break down.

Says it's fine to lean on someone else.

But the feeling of having to depend on someone other than me

is not a feeling that I'm comfortable with.

I am the strong one.

I'm the one everyone else leans on.

What will happen when I'm not there?

 

She says that it's okay to have arguments.

Says it's what every relationship needs.

But I don't want her to feel like my love is lost

and I don't want to end up losing her.

Because if I lose her,

I lose a part of myself.

And I've lost too many parts of me.

I can't stand to lose another.