She said.


United States
37° 13' 39.5148" N, 120° 28' 54.642" W

She said, if I could have done a better job I would have
Sorry, she said.
I had no mother of my own to learn from, she said.
With her blunt remarks like stabs to my stomach,
I attempted to withhold the overflowing river within me
Only being held by the lies of an absent mother.
Leaving me so young and alone,
Unaware of the dreams that the lips of adolescent boys would sell my heart,
Only to pour gasoline upon each of them and watch me crash and burn.
Unaware of the slick sexual predator wearing the mask of a trusting family member,
Intruding upon my privacy, attempting to strike down my innocence.
Unaware of the tug-o-war my self image and society would have upon my delicate mind,
Causing a mix of disorders, hidden only with the swirl of the toilet water and the clumps of hair as they fell into the trash.
With my mind racing, full of anger and sadness
I attempted to grope onto an understanding that only let me fall.
As the river overflowed the dams of my eye lids,
I lied and said "I understand mom, I love you."
I lied... not for the sake of my own sanity but hers.


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