self saving

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when i was a younger soul, 

i let a man destroy me

i had closed my eyes, crossed my fingers

and fell hopelessly for the devil

because his words were like music

 

and when he left for the first time

i tried to do my own leaving to

i had closed my eyes, crossed my fingers

and stepped into the street,

purposely forgetting to look both ways

 

as i made it to my house safely

it took a while to set in

i had closed my eyes, crossed my fingers

and hoped that someone wouldn't stop

for a man who didn't even deserve my smile

 

when i was sixteen, 

i refused to eat anything that came my way

i had closed my eyes, crossed my fingers

and willed the number on the scales to go lower

even though i knew '78' was much too little

 

the day i fainted for the first time

because i had nothing in my body but water

i had closed my eyes, crossed my fingers

thinking that this would be the last time

but i woke up, and life went on

 

when i was seventeen,

my demons took the form of my peers

i had closed my eyes, crossed my fingers

with the notion that today,

something would be different.

 

i saved myself.

nothing changes without good intentions

you must close your eyes, cross your fingers

and know that every action has a reaction

you must learn to create your own happiness

 

it is far too easy to try and run

to abanon life in face of adversity

close your eyes, cross your fingers

take a deep breath

and fight on.

 

we were never promised the world was easy

but instead, that life was beautiful

close your eyes, cross your fingers

and look forward to what life can be

it's always darkest before the dawn.

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