I buy second hand clothes. I’ve thrifted 75% of my wardrobe. I didn’t necessarily grow up poor, but I’ve always been attracted to clothing that I can buy for under $5. I own nice things. My mom has bought me name brand clothes, and I always had the highest quality sports equipment. Yet, I sit here wearing a jacket with a ripped seam that vaguely smells like an old woman’s home.

I’m the second youngest in my family. Before my mom remarried, I was the oldest. My father died. The father figure in my life now is my stepdad. In a way, he is my second dad. Growing up I was the second best in my class. Often I was one step behind Cassy when it came to academics. Because I moved to Eminence in second grade, I was Hailey’s second best friend. Cadence was first, and this is because she was there first. They grew up together.

In middle school, Hailey dated a boy named Rowdy. He liked me and I liked him, but yet again, I came second. He was dating Hailey first. This phenomenon has happened a few times in my life. I was second to Kailey with Gabe. I was second to Erin with Blaze. My senior year I made All-district (second team of course). I won a writing competition with Cassy, not on my own. 

Now that I’m in college. The phenomenon continues. My best friend up here is Ellavy. I was the second person she met in college. My close friend Jenna was friends with a friend of mine first. Does that make me second? There’s a boy I’ve been talking to, I’m second on his bestfriends list. I am second on the dean’s list, right below Taylor Van Steenis (it might actually be spurgin now).

The term “second” has surrounded me my entire life. So why do I buy second hand clothes? Part of me believes it’s because I deserve second. I’ve been second to so many things and so many people, shouldn’t my clothes be second to? No. They shouldn’t. I am worth buying clothes for their full price, with all their gems and embezzlements. I deserve clothes with neat seams and no stains. It’s not why I buy second hand clothes

I buy second hand clothes. I like making used clothing my first choice. No matter how many times these clothes may be picked over, I still have the power to make them my first choice. I was my best friend macey’s first choice in a friend when she moved. I was my mom’s first born child even though she wasn’t supposed to have kids. I was the first kid in my class to be a year younger. I was my brother’s first friend and I am my sister’s favorite sibling. The first place my friends go when they come home is my house. I was the first person to tell my step dad and sisters to move in.

No matter how many times I’ve been second, I am first in the ways that matter the most. This is why I buy second hand clothes. Does being second in my class make me undeserving of love? Am I no good because I made the second all district team instead of the first? Or because my next boyfriend won’t be my first? My point is that in my eyes, clothes are like people. I'm wearing a jacket with a ripped seam, just like my friends love me no matter my flaws. No matter how imperfect I am I still deserve love, and so do second hand clothes.