a younger me 

  would wear makeup and clothing that irritated her to be like the popular girls

 a younger me 

 would try in vain to talk like the preps and hurt herself because she didnt have social skills

  a younger me  

would starve herself and only eat crackers for weeks at a time  to be skinnier

a younger me 

would make herself puke  after meals from 8th to 10th grade

a younger me 

would mimic the way girls acted towards each other  

a younger me

would date boys   even though she wasnt attracted to them 

a younger me 

would learn to hate herself  for being  different 

 why 

because society taught her to 

 society made her believe that

in order to be happy 

 in order to be loved  

in order to be beautiful 

she had to look a certain way 

she had to  eat a certain amount

she had to love certain kind of  people

she had to listen to certain music

she had to talk  a certain way about certain things

she had to  pretend to like the things everyone else did

she had to lie to people to protect their feelings

she had to be somebody she wasnt   

but an older me  

after going through all that pain

after spending day after day  hating herself because of her flaws

after spending nights crying herself to sleep because she didnt like her body

after spending years making herself ill in order to meet the expectations of society 

after spending lunch in the library because she didnt want to eat 

after squeezing herself into way too tight jeans in order to look skinnier 

after spending years feeling like she would be hated because of who she loved