a scream into the void
and it's eating at me inside
constantly gnawing the back of my mind
leaving me in an
elevated
adrenalinated
flustered place of panic
A roiling sea in the pit of my stomach
that when I close my eyes
I could fall fall fall
plummetting fast fast fast
the dark air whipping past
filled with this chaos
yet temptingly calm
what if I just stayed here
falling for eternity
but I can't
can't just sit here with eyes squeezed shut
internally free falling
So
I fly back out
open my eys
though still stuck in my mind
and smile
and try not to scream
but suppressing just seems to make it intensify
and all this because I need to have control
all this because I hate confrontation
because I'd rather suffer silently
I'd rather die internally
and continue to smile on the outside
than actually deal with my concerns
and when I finally get the nerve to act
the simplest things will be push me back
I hide behind fake confidence
draw strenght from empty sass
but the emotions hit
when real life rears its head
all bravado disappears
as I
silently
choke