I wish I knew why I felt this way
Why the heart hurts and the mind strays
Sad songs to match sad moments
And why the sun shines after a rainy day

Wishes and kisses after blown out candles
Birthdays to celebrate the age of truth
Balloons that pop like when my temper do
Layered cakes like the layers of emotions I try so hard to cover with sweet frosting
More like a frosting of smiles

I don't know if this is normal
Whether the feeling of me feeling sad during the so-called 'happy moments' are right
But I know I feel some type of way
And its because I'm angry and can't get over it

I'm hurt and I cant get over it
I'm sensitive and these hard body cover ups can't cover any more of it
I'm over lying to myself, now its just a matter of not lying to you

Kiss my cross and pray that God wont be angry at the way
I lie, even if it's white to shadow this darkness
Like a new moon before an eclipse
There's something dark here and I ain't talking about me sticking out like the speck of an all white group

I'm talking about this feeling of gloom, sadness
But nobody's dead here
All black on like I'm mourning the morning of me discovering
That joy is evident and the birds do chirp outside your window pane

And pain doesn't always come from your feelings being smashed like glass
Good Girl gone Bad, though I wonder if I was ever good
Self-conscious so I switch my talk up so I don't sound "too hood"

I hope you can defragment this
And understand my riddle, connect to whatever pain I'm trying to illustrate
And sympathize with the fact that I'm lonely
Lonely for all the things I never had and all the things I couldn't keep