I have a friend named Ryan

Others may think I’m lyin’

When I say he has a beard so legit

I wish him never to get rid of it

Just because he's bearded

Doesn't mean that he's a joke

Doesn't mean he's dirty

And it doesn't mean he's broke

The girls, well they all love it

The beard makes them scream and shout

He never shaves and never trims

He lets nature grow it out

He owns the stage with Strait Fourteen

It’s the band that he is in

But when the crowd spots his mighty beard

All the attention is turned on him

As they all watch the magic

Protruding from Ryan’s chin

Even the girls think to themselves,

“I wish I could grow a beard like him”

No, he’s not a homeless guy

Or some crazy terrorist

He is not just some slacker dude

Or a fundamentalist

His name is Ryan Coltmans

And he is my best friend

I myself have developed some stubble

For which there will be no end