Do you love them, those men you bring to my table, to my bed? No I'm not mad. I'm away more often than I'm home and I've failed you as a man, failed to give you the attention you need, you crave, all that I can, failed to show how much I love you.
Do you miss them? I went to a diner about one o clock last Wednesday night, where a waitress was closing. She was closing the diner for the night by herself when she caught my gaze. She seemed to see through me, through my eyes of a stranger only to find a dreaded familiarity in my heart, one that beats through her chest too. She apologized for closing early and asked why I was alone so late, but I didn't have the heart to tell her that my job leaves my love and my life behind as I  travel as this empty vessel incapable of filling with anything but the negative energy of loneliness and despair until I find my way back home for a short moment, only to repeat the cycle a shorter moment later. I didn't tell her. I couldn't. So I said,
I like being alone, because the truth is I do. I have to like it because if I don't like it I won't return to you the same man that leaves. I would return as this disparaged character unable to be recognized by his kids or his wife. My brain used my voice to lie, but maybe my soul used my eyes and gave me away, maybe that's why she invited me back to her apartment to stay, maybe that's why we made love as the smell of decaf floated through the one bed one bath one home for two people apartment, as the radio played simple songs of static interrupted by broken outlines of music, as the tv played reruns of a familiar show but not a familiar episode, maybe we shut the door to shut out the world. Or maybe we shut the door to keep the love inside.
Yes we made love, but I don't love her. I don't miss her. Do you think about them, those men you bring to my home? I don't think about her. I don't think about the other empty vessel that I was glad to replace for a night, just like those vessels don't think about me. Just like those vessels don't think about you the way I always do.