I still have scars from the first time you hit me. 
I still flinch when anyone comes near me. 
Sometimes I look at my body, the bruises, and I remember what made them appear. 
No.
I know how they got there, I know that you placed them there with your fist, your legs, really anything you were near at the time. 
I try to remember why they are there, what part did I play in their development?

I remember when I came home late one day, drunk. 
And you swore I was out cheating, yet really all I was doing was laughing. 
Laughing while you were yelling and screaming at me because honestly I thought it was a game.
How could you be mad at me? You loved me. 
But I didn't know about your mean streak, until you pushed me against the wall.
Do you recognize the sound of a skull breaking?
I immediately stop laughing, my drunken eyes in shock. 
My body unable to move because of the unbearable pain.
And as I slid down from that wall, leaving my blood behind as a trail.
I watched you, I saw you
You were not the man I loved
You were everything I feared

And then as quick as it started, it all finished. 
You stopped yelling & screaming and started crying and picking me up rushing me out the door trying to find me help. 
And I was still in shock.

That was 5 years ago, and that was not the last time it happened.

But it was the last time I was shocked.