My anger is red
Hot like that night in July
Who am I angry at?
You, for crossing my boundaries and ignorine my pleas,
Using my body like it was yours for the taking?
Or am I angry at me for letting you?
I shouldn't have let you kiss me
I should've left sooner
I should've realized I couldn't trust you.
But the sky was orange as we walked by the river
Floating through the summer
The flick of your lighter was orange
You lit the cigarette you found on the ground and blew it in my mouth
You held me in place so I could taste it on your tongue
I still taste it sometimes.
Cold fear in the pit of my belly
My entire body shaking
It hit me like lightning
When a yellow flash lights up the night
The whole world is illuminated
When it's gone, you see how dark it really is.
You feel green when you can't protest anymore
Nauseous and dizzy
But mellow like the grass we smoked
I was green too
I was like spring
Just beginning to blossom
Not ready for the heat of summer.
I could say you made me feel blue
But you didn't
There were no feelings in this intimacy
You taught me that sex is not something shared between two lovers
It is something for the taking
You took in my body
Inhaled my touch
Then blue me out without a cough.
We weren't out too late
I could still see you, the river,
My bare feet in the sand
The world looked indigo as the light left the sky
And me too
It wasn't too dark to see the moon's reflection in my watery eyes
It was there; I know.
Tell everyone I wanted to
Say I've been with other guys
Rationalize that since I let you kiss me
You could do whatever you wanted to me
The bags under my eyes turn violet on nights when I think about it
I know you don't think about it.
I haven't cried over you or anyone else since that night
There is nothing beautiful about it
It's all just black:
The absence of color.