I crawled deep inside myself

sand crabbing my way to a deep security

there were no stars to gaze

no sun to shimmer my soul

I waited on the moon to glow

in the vacuum of my own protection.

 

My music paradised my evenings

in a plethora of promises

a symphonic gift of moonlit midnight

as the madness melded me to motionless.

 

In the stark and siphoned sin of self defeat

where the prince becomes powerless

where the pain is a puncture of penance

until the palette paints a picture

of grays leading to black.

 

I learned of loss and love

enough to hydrant myself

into a new world of first light

where the angels dance fearless

in naked skies as the sea sings

an ancient song of resolute rebirth

 

II.

A child skips the cracks in sidewalk dreams

the world is a land of monkey bars  to sea-saws

a techno color kaleidoscope of colors still unnamed

he is still untamed, whistling Dixie in the rain

I see him as the fog lifts to a rise above a lazy pond

stone skips across glass water as small ripples

grow to large circles before they dissipate in deliverance

of something sweet, close to divine

before the raging storm demanded boy to man

in a moments time his world forever changed

as Mother screamed in sadness

life became something more than a child's game

as fear owned the face of my first disgrace.

 

 III.

These are the better days

after great wars

of self vs self leading to selfless

a thousand empty dawns

vague and valueless searches

for eyes across dark rooms

where players paled in comparison

to the stark truth of bad choices

then the never ending craving

for something greater than

a head nod before a hip check

that head dressed pain

for all the world to see

though it hardly mattered

once I held both heart and soul

above a fruitless ego

in the soft palm of my hand.

 

 

I canonized the boy

when the chameleon disappeared

forgave that young man

who portrayed himself as I

then slowly turned towards that great light

something grand in gold, in God

whatever you may label him

however you may draw him into a day

there's a gifting place he saves for humble

as his sun it rose again

followed by the scented rain

who's voice is but a tap of love's rebirth.

 

 

There:

Find me in her arms

together we gift to live

after the death of poison days

now free falling below angels

in a world where love's truth

is all we'll ever need.

 

Gulls caw above rolling waves

reminding me the sweetest taste of all

is my lips joined with hers in faith and love

followed by a soft sigh which leads to midnight

where our dreams dance above our heads

guiding us towards the light

as all our fears subside.

 

We are hushed in the surrender

much larger than ourselves

forever meant for those who

dive fearless in to volcanoes

in search of something

only lovers looking for forever

can define.

 

ajs