Marvin's Room on repeat til 2 am.
Waking up on a tear-soaked pillow in the morning.
Asking who's going and then staying in my room because I have "homework."
Staying in bed til noon even when I haven't slept that night.
Not sleeping at night because my mind is somewhere else.
Wondering what my "friends" are doing while I stay in.
Punching a wall whenever I find my thoughts drifting in a direction I've been avoiding.
Doing It Wrong on repeat when I get tired of hearing Drake sing "I'm just saying you could do better."
Getting out of my bed at 4am to run around the whole campus and try to wear myself out but avoiding that one building.
Taking extra long showers so I can cry to myself and nobody can judge me.
Being late to my 8am because I took the long way around.
Feeling like D.R.A.M. on Caretaker after SZA's verse.
Staring out the window in my 12:45pm because I've given up on paying attention to the lesson and succumbing to the thoughts I want to avoid.
Skipping lunch because I know that I'll see everything I want to avoid in the cafeteria.
Dressing up because "You can't feel bad when you look real good."
Spending more time in the gym because if my muscles hurt, I'm not thinking about the hurt in my heart.
Being the man Erykah Badu sings to on Next Lifetime
Finally feeling like myself again around 4:45 before practice.
Getting to band practice and feeling good and then all of a sudden feeling bad because there's that one part of the drill that I always dread.
The part that I was avoiding thinking about all day today.
The part where I have to see your beautiful face.
The face of the woman I love.
The face of a woman who loves someone else.
that's what heartbreak feels like.