The Real Me

2015-2016

Surprises would scream hello every so often.

First the move

Something that had been a bitter pill for me to swallow.

And yet the day was filled with friendly smiles

From the one person who shined so brightly.

I was never excited

To leave the one place I called home

For the past 12 years.

But he reassured me that everything would be okay

As if I needed him to hold my hand

As I walked through the door of my new “home”.

“Home is where your family is”

They said.

But how can that be

If there are parts of us still running through the halls

Of our past life?

However, the move did not matter so much

Because he was there

And I was no longer afraid.

The beating drum in my chest did not hurt anymore

The earthquake that had been growing inside

Died down every moment his eyes met mine.

I found every piece of myself

Sewed myself back together

Just so I could ask him to dance the night away with me.

It had been my new favorite fairytale.

The one dream I constantly wished would come true.

Except my ambition and desires got the best of me.

I was too blinded by what I wanted

To actually see who he really was.  

I have experienced heartbreak

So many times

It is always of the inevitable

But it always happens.

Life will never be perfect

And I cannot make myself seem perfect.

He went into hiding

And when he decided to say hello

He was the real him

I had never met before.

He found himself a new love

One I did not expect

I always painted the pictures of us

While he was painting pictures with someone else.

It does not seem fair to say that I loved him

Since I never really knew who he was.

He came out from the dark

The skin he was once hiding in.

And he is happy.

The world swallowed me whole

And his voice was not going to be my saving grace

Because he was whispering

“I love you”

To his boyfriend.

I had to realize

No one will save you but yourself

You do not need someone to hold your hand

You have to be the one to push yourself

You have to be the one to carry yourself

You have to be the one who makes you happy.

I had to learn

I had to love myself

Before anyone else could.

I had to learn that the earthquake inside

Was really a flower

Waiting to bloom

To grow into its full form.

I had to realize

That I am more than a nervous girl

Whose heart beats louder than a single music instrument.

For I am a symphony of beauty and love.    

 -(hms)

This poem is about: 
Me

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