Who would have thought I would’ve been standing here alone

Winter’s gone

And summer’s on the way

And you’re still not here

 

You weren’t there.

And oh god knows you didn’t care.

And I found myself biting on my knuckles to muffle the sounds of my sobs

Much like a baby with accompanied by its thumb

 

But you held on to those cigarettes

Like you should’ve held onto me

Onto us

Onto me

Why did you have to leave me?

I was the one who loved you when you went insane

Why did you have to leave me?

But maybe I’m just a selfish 15 year old adolescent

Only thinking of myself

But believe me only your seven-letter name

and that five-letter place you left me for

And your seven letter last word you spoke to me

and that five letter killer

and that seven letter contemplation

and that five-letter adjective spelled

s  t  r  o  n   g

i’m sorry that’s six letters

I’m just a little overwhelmed at the moment

you told me to stay strong

but strong is only a world I could use to describe you

because every day you walked through the glass double doors of hell

and strolled past every 7:30 am blinking body without awaking the devil

 

Please don’t look at me like that

Don’t look at me like a girl caught up in a blurred reality

A fantasy

Because here I am

Spilling salt concentrated tears

With ironic dry eyes from the constant rubbing

And I know you miss home

And I know I miss you

So I cross my heart and I hope to die.

That maybe they’ll be no more needles stuck into your arm.

No no no I cross my heart and hope you don’t die

Because when you said

“They’ll kill me before I ever got the chance to.”

I wasn’t so sure about that

You know nothing kills a man faster than his own hand

 

Your smile was bright

But your eyes were sad

Your hands were strong

But your stomach was weak

 

You would pop a couple pills

Just to get some extra thrills

And I would try to convince my myself that

Maybe that’ll be the last time she’ll light up

Or maybe that’ll be the last cup she’ll ever drink

But really maybe that puff puff pass was a cry for help

And you found pills before the help could ever arrive

 

And now everyday when i wake

I lift a weary head and remind myself

That love is nothing like you Kendall

I pick up the broken fragments of what is left of my mind

And find myself dancing through my mind’s constant movies

Recollections of our memories

Repeatedly coming to the conclusion that I am blessed

Blessed as a living being to ever have seen you

To even share 16 year old girl secrets with you

And I remind myself one last time

Before I stroll past those 7:30 am blinking bodies

Love is nothing like you Kendall.

And it never will be.