You see, what all of my life has taught me

is I ain’t jack shit

 

I’m just some black guy who complains a little too much like my father

I’m just a guy who is a complete smart ass even though I don't understand much

I’m some guy who’s been spending most of his life listening to random rap songs because I’ve been told that they were good but I was never told of the meaning

The passion put in the poetry, guitar strings, and the base were something I had to learn on my own

 

I’m not ashamed that I learned this after everyone else knew the messages and work put into these songs,

I’m proud of my heritage of what we create as art

I’m not ashamed of where I live at

Not because it’s a big house

but because it’s a house with value

When someone comes over, I say

“See, my rooms a bit bigger than my sisters because it was meant for me

This rooms nonexistence until after my birth was because of my father

who put in his time and effort to give me more than a roof,

but a whole room”
 

He met expectations and excelled on those predictions

He gave us a bit more than what was needed

He’s a good man with a hard head

I sometimes look up to him and want to be the hardworking part of him

 

I look at my mother  

She works hard, but I’ve never saw her as that

I see her as more of a nurturing person

Whose strength wasn’t in her arms, but her heart

where we believe all of their real muscles are

 

I see them and I realize that I’m a mixture of both but I'm not as good as either one

When you have an expectation for me or them, theirs will be higher than mine

That’s normal, but I want mine to be raised so I can be second best after them

 

And when I become a father to my children,

I want to do better than them because I want to be someone my kids will look up to

I’ll raise the expectations and become what I expect out of myself

I will be the parent of a child who will say,
“When I grow up, I want to be just like him

He focuses on what’s needed and he gets it done while also caring for me like a father should”

So maybe I'm not much right now,

but I will raise the bar and go beyond that for myself

I will be better than my parents not because I’m supposed to

but because It’s my own personal goal that I want to reach in order to become a better Christopher J. Thurmond

 

So I should expect nothing less than what I can do

So when I do something, I’m going to take pride in it

whether it's bagging groceries, pushing carts, or doing poetry

 

I’m going to do me

for my own self

because I know my parents would