In the brief moments before consciousness
The room dark and unmoving
An abrupt snore pierces the silence
The sheets move
Like a convulsing wave and our hero is awakened

She struggles to gain her composure
Hair like medusa untamed and astray
The first step in our hero’s journey;
Releasing herself
From the captivating warmth of her sheets

Like a bear coming out of hibernation she grumbles
The bed holding her captive
Slow and methodical like a paraplegic jailbreak
She arises
Stumbling like a drunk she moves toward to the bathroom
To start her day

Our hero turns on the sink
A waterfall of cold water pours from the faucet
She squeezes the minty paste onto her toothbrush
And begins to clean her teeth.
The toothpaste foams in her mouth
Causing her to look like a rabid animal

Gazing unto the unearthly creature that stares back at her
Our hero soon realizes she should invest in higher quality make-up remover
She picks at the day old mascara pulling out eyelashes along the way
And paints on a thick line of eyeliner like a geisha before a show

After putting the finishing touches on her war paint
She emerges from the depths of the bathroom
Still bleary eyed she searches for fresh attire
Excavating through piles of laundry
Like a miner digging for precious gems

She attempts to slide into her sausage casing skinny jeans
But alas, they were just a bit too tight
She looked like David Bowie in children’s pants
She soon forgets about the skinny jeans
Instead picking up a light pair of leggings
And a large sweater.
Finally she acquires the enticing style
Of a homeless man

Finally exiting her room she is met with and untimely accident
She stubs her toe and considers amputation with a butter knife
And then she realizes
That's moderately unsanitary
And alongside her homeless attire
Amputation would be unsightly

Stepping out of her room our hero is faced with a beast
Four feet of fur and fluff
The beast comes bounding at our young hero
She braces for impact
She is hit by what feels like high-speed furry train
Kneeling down she quiets the ferocious beast
with a reassuring pat on the head

she walks to a slope of ascending hills
like a lethargic hiker
she escalates
breathing heavily she gasps for oxygen
reaching incredible heights and altitudes
she finally gets to the top of her stairs

waiting silently at the top of the stairs
was a towering giant
growling and grumbling
ferocious as a hungry lion
he spoke only one dull, muted word, “coffee”
then stampeded off to find the one thing he desired

after confronting the giant our hero sets off to find the witch dweller
she walks, frightened, to the witches cave
trembling and afraid she knocks on the witches door
“Baily” she says softly
A sharp screech that could have loosened the scales from a dragon
Came from the darkest corner of the room
and our heros eardrums were incapacitated for a moment

our hero, now recovering from the witches screech
sets out to find the jingling talisman
she ransacks her humble abode
all while being chased by the great black beast
she continuously climbs over mountains of clothes and couches the size of sheds
our hero, has stumbled into the giants territory once again.
crawling along the ground she looks under the shed sized couches
and delightedly she finds what she was looking for
car keys

The hero opens the gate
and she is overwhelmed by the sickening smell of spring flowers
the hot planet, known to mortals as the sun beat down upon our hero
frying her skin like a vampire in light
she finds refuge in an old truck

She places the jingling talisman in the slot in the old truck
and the engine roars to life like a sleeping monster
she rolls down the overloaded roads like a snake through the rainforest
but the clutch slips
our hero stalls in the middle of the intersection
other monsters swerve and screech around her
she quickly regains her composure
the beast roars back to life
and the hero proceeds with her adventure

Our hero revs the monsters engine
and howls in passive anguish
the decrepit woman in front of our hero
slothful and elderly
was negligent in reaching the green emeralds hanging above the crowded streets
our hero bites her tongue and smiles as she eagerly passes the idle senior

As our hero so eagerly passes the crotchety elderly woman
the hanging green emerald begins to turn yellow
quickening her pace she speeds
hoping to reach the emeralds in time
as she reaches the emerald
it turns red
and our hero is forced to come to a screeching halt

After frustratingly regaining speed
something goes awry
our hero is lost
she begins to backtrack
however, the witch sitting next to her
is mumbling spells and profanity
which makes it hard to concentrate.
Our hero finally finds the proper road
and is set back on track

The witch cackled at our heros loss of ways
In return she sniped in the witches general direction
The witch murmured words that brought our heros blood to a boil
They sit in silence until the end of their journey was in sight

Our hero directs the growling monster
into a bumpy assembly line
tractors and tow trucks rumbling and sighing
she swerves recklessly around potholes and hipsters
and comes to rest quietly into a parking space

She walks to the entrance of the liquid gold shop
finding her friend the smoke monster had already arrived
walking up to the shops counter
she discreetly asks the man for “the usual”
walks to the end of the counter
and grabs her coffee