As a child, promises are taken as serious as oaths that are bound by a death sentence.

But what has changed growing up?

For me, I take them seriously because they are the only things that kept me alive and going.

I promised to protect my mom, when she was okay.

I promised that I would be emotionally stable and get good grades.

I promised to save my friend from killing himself.

“Then?, one may ask.

I failed on everything but keeping my friend alive at the cost of losing myself along the way.

Then, I tried to promise to protect my mom in her half-living state.

And then, I lost her to him.

It seems that broken promises have caused me to loose myself. I lost myself along the way.

I used to promise myself whenever it was a dark day for about a decade that one day, everything is going to be okay.

And every day, I saw everyone miserable in every possible way. I look to the Stars and ask, “Is everything going to be really okay?"

Now I’m losing faith.

But what does it really take?

My world is crashing as you read and I’m becoming self-destructive and unstable.

I’m losing myself in this darkness, into the black hole of endless pain and confusion.

What is the meaning of a promise? What is it’s purpose?

The only promise I have left is sent from my best friend. Her promise is “Don’t look back, you have friends and if you need a place to stay you know you’re are welcome at my house, I promise you one day we’ll have a place of our own and you won’t have to worry.”