i wrote so many poems about you

countless words about the destruction you did to me

my soul was ripped apart so was my hymen that night

i wish it never happened i wish you never existed

i punished myself day and night

on that day, i became the judge of my own rape and i declared myself guilty

i wish i could end this poem saying that everything happens to a reason

that i am okay and came with terms with what happened with my home

it comes to me like waves, once in a while i am hit with the reminder of what happened

but i am trying my best

every day i look at myself and say “i forgive you”

and maybe soon i will