Please Hear Me Before…

Hear me please, now not later

Needless to say I am afraid

The timing is never a given for me or better

Of what I have become and what is to come

Don't be fooled by me for I can hardly speak

The words all fall apart when I begin to open my mouth

I give you good impressions but, I have to hide

Can't you see I'm speechless

I say I don't need anyone but, do you really believe me

I'm speechless so that I can hide well

Well so no one knows my feelings

My feelings of loneliness, fear, confusion, and torture scare me so much more

You've teased me, harassed me and I have continued to fall

I often wonder why others keep closing my hearts door

I dwell on the things no one else knows about

I fight; fight very hard for the thing I do cry out for

I often think and feel that I want to die and take my own life

Would you care or would you just look at me with a shameful stare

It's like everything is hopeless

It feels like a never lasting world

Should I take these pills and cut my wrist so that I bleed from the inside out

Maybe try to get hit by a car away from everybody and yet so far

I want to scream so badly and make my voice shout

I hate my mind it's driving me crazy

My gut aches, my heart breaks, and my eyes keep crying

I can't control these thoughts of destruction; I've become so numb and crazy

Hopeless and alone, without someone hearing me

It’s frightening maybe, you'll think of me less and whatever you think might just kill me

Deep down am I nothing

You've teased and harassed me for so long

My heart is heavy and the feelings are not gone

So, I have continued to fall

I can't bare the thought of being a nobody anymore

I'm just no good, it always seems this way

You ask me what's wrong so you can try to understand

But, I tell you the opposite of what I am feeling so you don't hear me cry

Or see me really hurting

I'd feel that you would notice if I'd say what's wrong and that you'd reject me

I can't bare to be rejected by you

You’re everything to me

Even when you hold out your hand for me

I try to have you think it's the last thing I seem to need or want

I try to hide very well even if I only hide within myself

I fight; fight very hard for the thing I do cry out for

I often think and feel that I want to die and take my own life

Deep down am I nothing

You've teased and harassed me for so long

My heart is heavy and the feelings are not gone

So, I continue to fall and wonder what’s wrong

What’s so wrong with me

I feel so blind I can’t see nor can I believe within me

The bridge is too high, there’s no rainbow or a sun shining in the sky

Should I take these pills and cut my wrist so that I bleed from the inside out

Maybe try to get hit by a car away from everybody and yet so far

I want to scream so badly and make my voice shout

This pain within me is torture to my soul

I think I'm ready to let go

Would you care or would you just look at me with a shameful stare

Where to go, Whom to turn to, How far will this pain let my blood flow

I'm dying inside and I want out, but, then again I think I’m ready to let go

Please help me.... Hear my inner most troubling thoughts in hopes that you won't pass on me

Someday I may be able to finally be free of this horrible pain inside me and I’ll be able to see

Please, don’t pass me by.... Please Hear me before....

Written and Copyrights By: Deanna Culver July 1989