I have been taught to fake a smile, to fake a laugh, to fake a conversation
to fake me
Holden Caulfield calls them phonies,
I call them regulars.
Why must I conform completely to be accepted?
What does accepted even mean?
Why are the ones who raised me becoming the people I despise the most?
why do they lie at their collegues parties and college fairs?
why do they call me hun only outside of this house?
I am shouting "PUT YOUR PLASTERED SMILE AWAY"
But not a sound is heard
I am tired
I am exhasted
I am afraid they will find this document when I lose
and judge and say my priveledged ass will never be good enough
I am afraid if I win that the infamous plastereed smile will haunt me once more