The commencement of my year
disturbing in message
fifteen years old, one hundred pounds
my lover's younger sister had nearly drowned
at the hands of herself and inebriants
at a party two towns over
trouble staying sober
twenty minutes and nine shots in
her friend held her seizing body
minuscule and fragile
over the cold and comfort of a crude commode.
That same night in his mansion of a home
I had nearly wasted my virginity
but I was at a McDonald's drive through
when we found out about Phoebe
(peculiar how overprotective parents
are always the last to meet their children).
These shots taken by a less-than-innocent teen
were not the only to be taken in 2016.
I took to the Windy City
to recognize the future
but instead of a soothsayer
I was met by a pretentious art history professor
no, I can't explain Cubism
I'm sorry I mistook realistic to mean representative
caught red handed
I would call that line a bird,
am I here to learn or not?
Please ignore my work.
The day I gave up on art
I put my energy into medicine
for I figured
early expertise would not be expected
even the patients want to be teachers
would I even need to trust myself?
There were caucuses and carcasses
as the Zodiac doppelganger took the lead
how many Caucasians
can win through the academy?
DiCaprio was a revenant
nearly dead to pop culture
until he ascended that stage
to greet his friend Oscar.
Abstain from using an Uber to get you home
you may end up in a Cracker Barrel
staring down the end of a cracker's barrel
more than that, you may be pronounced dead
before you've died
only the brain but not the insides
either way in seven months you'll be forgotten.
Black clouds were the soup of the day
I ordered the salad
and didn't understand a week later
when everyone was complaining of food poisoning
I guess ignorance really is bliss
when you're feeling emotionally abused
because people won't let people
simply go to the bathroom.
April flowers sprang from lead showers
and daily it was affirmed
that somehow this pertained directly to me
collecting bottled water
for a city in our state
that is no-doubt surrounded
by five massive lakes
the [iron]y was almost as noxious as the [lead]ership
and I wondered how California felt.
On the seventeenth anniversary
of my grand introduction,
I found myself undergoing
a major test
my past and future met to grant me
one exciting present
meanwhile he wouldn't answer
I was not perturbed
he forgot every year
and never kept his word
the plans we had were cancelled
my distraction all in vain
the reason for my being here
I could not ascertain.
The officers for Gray were found "not-guilty"
while a silverback gorilla was taken on-site
similar colors when compared
seem so black and white
it took people until August
to remember Harambe
I guess we're still waiting.
If the human race
put half the effort into
as they do into
perhaps there would be a measurable change.
such a silly game we play
like a summer's day in May
What is love?
What is love?
I just wanted to be loved.
Float like a butterfly
sting like a bullet
violence at a night club in the sunshine state
devastation, fury, ire, the color red
some people have taste only in their mouths.
He was there but I could never be
I had to let him go
I had to be set free
he told me he was amazed
that I wasn't weeping
for I had incessantly cried every day before
and I pondered
how he never realized
he was at fault
the minute he departed and those three years ended
I took my first breath
but it was stifled by a sob
I turned to my sister's young mind for advice.
The same day that he left me crying
I managed to save five young girls from buying
from being bought out by a company
whose quality standards
matched my criterion for love
and assumption assumes
but the truth goes on forgotten.
The Brexit shocked the stocks
but the depression did the same
and I'm left asking,
which is more relevant?
People say dance like no one is watching
and sing like no one is listening
because no one ever is
and don't feed me that
love like you've never been hurt bullshit either
this can't be heaven on Earth.
I watch friends' progenitors
by pushing their insecurities onto their children.
Imagine how pathetic life would be
if we truly never gave up
we exhausted hours searching
for a man named Chris to hug
and ended up encountering him right next door
and Pokémon went
Truck drivers in France aren't so Nice
these words mean nothing I just needed an abbreviation.
Mosquitoes are not the pests
babies misshaped heads
shooting in Milwaukee
no action, all talking
no controlled control controlled
controlling what should be controlled
I'm not familiar with the lyrics
but that sounds like a dandy song
a lamentable song
with stolen, complex chords.
Angry fists and hesitant thoughts
we watched Bob Ross
we visited a deserted play land
he taught me to play cards
noticed my imperfections
eyes like dead grass
alive in spirit
converging with my family
shorts with too many pockets to keep secrets hidden inside
best friends with my cousin
because she was the sole option.
I feel it's all on me
wanting to have a voice
while still under eighteen
and we're all silhouettes
when the sun goes down.
I fell in love with an idea
that in reality was a jest
triviality on me
I'm more lonesome than I had been before
pulling one person in
shutting the door on eighteen others.
Use good judgment
but do not judge
unless you've been to law school
only compare yourself to the past
as the five year old version of yourself
holds unwieldy expectations
be gentle but don't become soft
stay toned but don't let life turn you hard
be cool, never cold
all sage advice
for a time when nothing is sage
and no one is saved.
Parents don't want their children
to be genuinely moral people
they just want
to add more acclamations
to their own reputations.
No politician seems to understand Aleppo
instead they choose
to let Aleppo go
like the Cubs to The World Series
baseball hasn't mattered since 1945.
My timing is shameful
especially past 3:00 a.m.
in a room surrounded
I found one friend
he accompanied me everywhere
my favorite photo
hung just above my pillow
so that when I wake each evening
I remember this wasn't a dream.
Debates have never been so debatable
and I never remember the crows paying
for the grapes they take from the Vine.
Watching the waltz between red and blue
as I dance ballet
and come to the conclusion
that maybe I'm only allowed
to be grateful for the white.
The greater of two evils was chosen
and the electoral college
may cost us more than our tuition.
I only have opinions and I don't want to sound ungrateful
to reside in a country
where we are all constitutionally equal.
A few miles away Castro died
along with our hopes
of a Cuban get-away
where are all these pipelines going?
RIP to a mother-daughter duo that brought life to the silver screen.
Took to music
took to writing
took to bettering myself
I know now who I am
and I found God in the frost on my window
where I longed to be.
I don't watch him with her
I don't compare myself to them
I laugh and let learn
I may be boring
evident only in the words I do not dare speak.
Where I am today
is worlds away
from the place I never wanted to be
I will remain unchanged
to anyone but the future
reaching out for her warm embrace
and a greater respect for tomorrow.