I open the window

it indicates its a new day

It’s raining once again

so I turn away

“It’s gonna be alright”

Are the words I try to say

It still hurts a  bit

so are you sure I’ll be okay?

I stand here wondering

It’s hard to know what I can do

Everything’s difficult

that is so simple for you

Maybe if I could close my eyes

and sleep my pain will vanish too

who am I kidding I’ve tried that and I know

It’s not true...

I’ve just stood up but now I can’t  see

Do you know why that is?

Do you know why I am dizzy?

Oh, I am freezing cold

I can’t stop feeling chilly

So I’ll try to move again

It’s almost been a year since I have felt hungry

It’s a tasteless, painful, cold and spinning world, then.

Butterflies, start to fly, drifting off into the sky

And for them, it’s not hard, and so I wonder why?

If living isn’t tough, then why is it so hard to breath?

The words I’ve said have always been “I'll fly again someday...”

So, why is it that I am hurting?

And why is it that nothing is working?

Do you have any answers for me that you know?

No? Well that’s okay, I thought so...

And now all I want to do is get myself back

I want to run, I want to scream, I want to let it out

I would cry like I did every day until now

But even that hurts so I’ll sigh

ahh..

And the one thing that I would like for Christmas:

I’d like my life back so I can start to live

I know that this sounds strange

But is that a gift that you could give?

Even now I have goals and dreams

Things to do, people to see

Now I miss my friends, my school, my family and me

I’ve missed out on many things, laughter, birthdays, and airplane wings

But that is something that painful suffering brings

I don’t want to miss out on a single moment more

The words I’ve said have always been “We’ll try another day...”

So then how much longer must all this last?

You have told me just a week more in the past...

So I let myself believe that I could endure

Thinking it’s just a little more...

I have transformed in many ways you know

I look different from what I did a year ago

I would cry like I did every day until now

But even that hurts so I’ll sigh...

ahh...

In the end I ought to make due

if I am forever ill I will not loose

Because although it’s bad it still could be worse

For now my illness is an endless fight,

But in the end I know that there will be light...

But still, as I struggle,  I have to wonder...

Can't anyone tell me why I'm hurting?

Or explain why nothing is working?

Has anyone thought of anything this past year?

Or does no one care to make it clear...

I am always trying to be as tough as I can

I will smile, I will laugh, but could you understand?

I would cry like I did every day until now

But even that hurts so I’ll sigh

ahh..