I take eight pills every morning

eight pills

eight candy-coated

medicinally infused

capsuled doses

of poison.

After every shower

I lather on shea butter 

skin smoothing

aloe

softening

kneading

lashing

fit you perfectly

against palm

erase mistakes made by razor

by wax

by tweazer

and I

pluck

and pluck

and rub

and tug

and rip

and sit

and sit

and sit

and scratch

and pinch

and slap

sting

bleed

scream

I am at war

I am fire

I am powder keg

I am anger

I am a terrorist

of my own country

for the sake

of this thing called beauty

I will tear down this tower

until there is nothing

but the standard

the standard is pain

is pain 

is pain

the standard

is fake

is a ghost

and I am violating

myself

into 

a phantom.