To many it may seem like I’m someone who will go far.

Someone who is going to change the world,

Someone who goes to school, and is the overachiever in and out of class.

Someone who takes classes not just for a degree, but also to challenge herself.

 

It seems like that’s who I am on the outside,

But on the inside I’m scared of the future.

 

Although that’s the thing that keeps me going…

That’s the reason why I am still alive.

But I am terrified….

 

The future?

 

I find myself thinking…

 

I can’t do much, and will I even amount to anything?

Or will I end up in my mother’s shoes…

A mistreated mother of three,

With a husband who is not in his right mind.

No family to stand by her…

 

Alone…

All Alone…

Slowly Dying in Misery and Despair…

 

I’m afraid of what’s to come…

Afraid of transferring schools,

Afraid of my major,

Afraid of my career…

Will I even enjoy it?

Will I make a difference?

Will my life be worth all this inner pain?

 

I find myself questioning my life every single day,

It’s my daily routine.

I find myself wondering if all of this suffering is worth it anyway.

 

Can I just look into my future?

I wish I could find out my fate.

Is it really fate?

Is it in my control?

The question is oh so very old…

Drifting…

My mind keeps drifting on…

 

I find myself correcting my thoughts constantly.

“Look at that, what the hell are they doing?!”

“Don’t Judge!” I keep yelling to myself.

“You Know Nothing of Them!”

“Stop being an Ignorant Hypocrite!”

 

I find myself saying positive things to others

Constantly cheering them up.

While I think the worst of myself in all kinds of ways.

But I correct it by replying:

“Don’t focus on the negative!”

“Your future’s bright… “

“You’ll be something someday…”

“You’ll do great…”

 

I’m gone from the world that we live in…

My head’s in it’s own universe…

POSITIVITY and NEGATIVITY

CLASH…

Constantly…

 

Showing a smile to everyone I know…

Shredding up every bit of myself that gives me hope…

Hoping to survive through it…

Hoping to end it now…

Hoping to enjoy every last ounce of time that I may have left.

Nothing in this world is made to last in this cycle of struggles…

 

Am I the only one who sees the world this way?

 

I am worried about every little decision of my life.

I do everything for my future.

I am not living in the present, because it’s not very pleasant.

 

I restrict myself of anything that can harm my future.

I want to do everything right.

No matter how difficult it may be,

Because my future will be exciting,

Because my future will be fun,

Because my future holds my successful dreams.

Because the future is my only hope of being free.

And this is the real me.