This one’s for me
Listen well until I’m done
Make sure you reread, until the problem’s gone
You see, I don’t seem to understand
‘Cause up till now, never tried to take a stand
The time is now, not tomorrow, not later
It’s really now or might never be ever
And as I sit on my bed surfing the net
My life is stuck on a brink, something I don’t seem to get
Or maybe I’m ignoring the difficult unknown
Maybe I want “easy” to be my only zone
While looking for distractions is my way to make it last
I’m letting those bad habits cling to me fast
It would save me to remember what’s out there, what’s coming
So that I have some control of whom I’m becoming
My life is unwrapping as something without meaning
And little by little the truth turns more demeaning
Because yes, it feels good to root for the hero’s surpassing of trauma
And yes, it feels good to laugh and pretend over fictional drama
But that’s not me, not really. So not over there
I’m stuck in the real world. Who but I can root for my care?
I’m not in a movie. I’m here. Real life flesh and blood
I’m beginning to see how I’m so stuck in mud.
So what’s with this planning, procrastinating and waiting for a perk?
Putting all my chances on someone else’s dear hard work
Because my dreams aren’t mine if I’m not taking on the stress
Saying I’ll do this if they do that is not a worthy success
And what happens when they don’t pull through?
Isn’t my life the one that I threw?
What’s with not trying? Not taking my own step
What? Am I just relying, depending on their prep?
Because, hold on, what’s going on?
Haven’t I learned yet? Nothing has been done!
And, geez. What does that make me if I can’t provide for myself?
If I hold no pride for my one only self?
Because no one’s going to succeed for me. There is only ME
My will and my efforts toward independence are the only key
So for now, as I sit here waiting and not quite relenting
I’ve got to see, I’ve got to know. This has to stop, no more lamenting
Because the time is here
Wow. No longer just near
And regardless of my intentions, every step I take
Will surely bring me to whatever it is that I make
Screw me if it’s tomorrow, and I’m not asking of you
Because with the next challenge, there’s only one I should turn to
Let my actions forge a good path, not be my undoing
It’s now or never. Today, I’ll be renewing
This one’s on me.