“Ignored once again. What more should I expect from her? I think she has someone else. Atleast she can just speak to me. Come on man, She is not meant for you. That's it. May be someone else. Yeah, may be someone else.”

I told this to myself after getting ignored by her once again. It was about 9:00 pm in the night. I took my diary and pen lying on the table. And within a couple of minutes I was on the terrace of my hostel building. Silence everywhere. I looked up. Stars every where. And moon waved a hello to me.

“Hey bro. Don't go away. I need your light to write my diary. It's serious today”, I told him.

He remained silent which means his answer is “Okay, All the best!”.

I opened my dairy. It's been a long time(35 days) since I wrote something in my diary. And then I started writing

.

.

.

.

“Got ignored once again. It is hurting. I'm not feeling well.

Not only this time. Everytime it happens the same. These many days I was consoling myself that, it will all set. But no it is not going to happen. She is not interested in me. It's clear.

Then why do I bother about her. Don't care. I will get someone else. No need of falling for a girl who don't give a damn about me. That's it. She is nothing to me from now.”

And I closed my dairy. I kept it aside and I rested on the top of the water tank. Looking at the stars and moon. Then suddenly I remembered of her. God, she's beautiful. She is like an angel.

Then I opened my dairy once again.

“God. She's beautiful to forget. Why are you doing this to me?

I love her. But she is not interested in me. She ignores me most of the time. Then why am I still feeling for her?”

Then suddenly something struck my mind.

“Expectations”

Yes.

I always expect attention from her. I always expect message from her. I always expect love from her. But true love is something selfless and should be without expectations.

So expectations hurts. When you expect and don't get what you have expected you feel hurt. So what should I do? Stop feeling for her.

Definitely no. In fact if I say “Okay I am not going to love her from now” do I really stop loving her? No! I just did and it didn't work.

In fact loving someone or not, it happens naturally. More from the heart. Less from the mind. Love is not something like thinking “I love her”. It is something which can be felt. You will feel some sensations within you.

So the solution is not saying myself “Okay let me stop thinking of her. She has someone else. She is not interested in me.”

Why should she be interested in me? That's not in my hands.

The solution is stopping expectations. The solution is to stop thinking from the mind always because it always craves for attention.

“Okay I will stop expecting messages from her, attention from her. But what else should I do?”, I asked myself.

Then to my surprise I heard a voice inside me. It spoke to me.

“First time when I saw her. I felt something. I felt some sensations within me. And I loved it. And because I love her. So love from my side lies in feeling. Not in thinking. Stop thinking about her. Start feeling.”

Whether you believe it or not, I heard it.

And that day I decided I need not message her, I need not worry about how and what she feels about me. That solely depends on her not me. The best thing I can do is “feel”.

And thinking of her was always more of a distraction type. But feeling is something else. It reminds me of who I am and it reconnects me to myself.

From that day, I started falling for her even more. And not just her but myself too. I love myself too. It was she who made me listen to a voice inside me. It was she who made me realise who I really am. It was she who made me explore myself. So definitely I love her.

From that day I enjoy the feeling I get when I look at her. I feel like staring at her continuously but she is not a statue to remain t one place.

The very thought of her puts a smile on my face. If I had a bad day I look at her photo on social media and my mood definitely changes after looking at her.

And what if she has someone else?

Nothing. That “someone else” only matters when I want to get into a relationship with her. But right now relationship is not a necessity for me. And love is not something which I can escape :)

And what if she rejects me?

First of all I am happy with the feelings I have for her. Just me and my feelings for her. I am happy with them. I am not at all interested in confessing my feelings to her. And I will definitely confess. And when?

The answer is,

When I ‘feel’ it is the right time for me, not When I ‘think’. Till then I am not going worry about it :)