I tell myself, “just one last time”,
It’s a lie you know,
a verbal disguise,
To hide my intentions,
Of getting my fix, a hit, just another high,
to calm my nerves,
Soothe my pain,
Ease all the fears inside.
I’m afraid you know,
of confronting my feelings,
they want to emerge, show themselves,
But I’m scared so I continue to relapse,
Leaving me reeling,
In even more agony, Shame, and confusion.
I remember telling myself, “one last time”,
Deceiving myself, hundreds of times,
This time though,
I want nothing more than to confront those demons and shout “no more” because it’s now “my time” to recover.