To the One I Killed
I met you in my childhood
When we were naive
And innocence was high,
You were just like me –
Quiet and poised
Yet constantly there,
I had no need to question you
No red flags, so no cares –
As I grew you stayed
But I was taught to stay away
From you, and all you were –
I liked you but expectations had to be met
So I whispered goodbye
And chose to walk alone –
Years went by and the memories faded
But you popped up again
And this time you refused to leave
So I hid you in my closet
Out of fear and curiosity,
But we mingled too often
Which got me in trouble
So again I had to say goodbye
But you had implanted yourself into my life
So I locked the closet door
And threw away the key
So that no one, not even you, could tempt me –
Years went by and you sat in silence
Until you had enough
And began banging on the closet door,
Demanding to be let out –
Please don’t do this, I begged,
They won’t like you, I said,
It’s either us or them, you screamed,
I know how you feel about me –
So I felt as though I had no choice
As I lifted the knife
Just as you broke through
Running to me as you always do,
Right through the ribs and into the heart –
I wept as I held your cold remains
I knew that nothing would ever be the same
No one knew what I did
And that’s how it stayed –
I still look for you in my smiles
That fade more each day,
I still look for you in my closet
Which now stays open,
I still look for you in my clothes
That you put together in such a special way –
But you’re not coming back
I know this,
So full of fear I acted foolish –
You – dearest friend – were a part of my being
I killed a part of myself that day
And I’m so sorry.