It takes someone special
To roll down their graduation ramp in Heelys.
The cheers from the crowd
The hands in the air
And the cries of disbelief from his horrified mother
As he lifted his grad gown, exposing the radical, red trim, Straight-Up 2.0 truth, and wheeled his way down to the ocean of college freshmen awaiting his arrival with accepting arms and awestruck eyes.
Rolling shoes for rolling waves
Of arms rising and falling in excitement as he rolled past the crowd
Down the aisle to victory.
And why shouldn’t they?
Why was something so simple as a pair of shoes so equally terrifying and impressive?
Who created the stigma behind these wheeled chariots of elementary school social advancement?
Who defined what an individual over the age of 12 can and can’t wear on their feet?
What made wheels on heels so awesome in elementary school is exactly what makes them scorned in adulthood.
The perception of the public has ruined footwear that, by all definitions, were and still are undeniably awesome.
And to that, I say woe!
Woe is the man who retires his socks and sandals because his sister called the stupid!
Woe is the child who sadly kicks off her hot pink sequin Uggs because sequins in high school are social suicide!
And woe is the 40-year-old mother who sets aside her Croc flip-flops out of fear that someone will recognize the brand name!
Woe I say!
Rise up, all ye wearers of the undesirables, all ye yielders of the fashionably-late in every sense of the word, all ye bearers of the torch to trashy foot styles!
Bring out your square-toed dress shoes, your Velco-sandals and your light-up sneakers, and all variations of large-buckled, dark-toned, slightly-heeled loafers that likely belong in historical museums as opposed to on the modern foot!
Fight the system that forces you to hide your thigh-high latex boots!
Rally together, cowboy boots and fake-rhinestone neon pumps alike, and join your feet in solidarity against the true oppressors!
You, in the knee-high Converse!
You, with the webbed-toe shoes that you casually wear out with your friends!
And you, in the corner trying to hide your basketball shoe-cowboy boot hybrid!
Yes, I see you.
Come together, friends, and raise your heads high under the protection of the Heely graduate and his legend.
Your shoes are awesome, and your tastes are valid.
These shoes are made for a REASON, and that reason is AWESOMENESS.
So bring your banana slippers and fish flip-flops into the light, where they belong, and sing proudly of the shoes that made you laugh as a child, because no matter what society tells you to think, they make you laugh now, too.
They aren’t Gucci, and they never will be, but they’re yours, and you WILL wear them.
Heelys are awesome.
You are awesome for wearing them.
Now go out there and make sure that everyone knows.