I wish I could write,

Somebody please teach me to read.

The only thing I've learned in 12 years is...

Why X left Y for Z.

I can't fill out my tax form,

There is simply no hope.

I can't even write cursive

But thank god I can find a slope!

Two plus two is four?

I never would have guessed!

Now please teach me how to avoid cardiac arrest.

I wish I could cook,

I wish I could swim,

I wish I knew how to do anything

Besides the Pythagorean Theorem.

I'm really glad I can factor,

PEMDAS sure has me satisfied,

I filled out an application for an actual job,

They told me I was underqualified...