When I hear this song, takes Me back to when I felt... Sweet. Cute. Loving. Innocent. When I was
AMONG
YOU
I knew I Could do You no wrong.
I was brand fresh to stimuli of discoveries.
I felt Me in all goodness' received.
I seen for Myself A power of My authority.
I tasted freedom in the shelter We Lived..
And You seen Me break out of My cacoon.
Reborn to butterfly dance to the Phoenix i phelt within Me.
Burning wildfire lit desires....ready to take on the world.
With a mere flit of My wing, a fanciful flight, I took commencement in strength.
Invincibility bestowed, & fortunes untold of benighted times in Sinister's Darkest hours, on My own Flames of Wildfire.
After the fight for My Life, to get away from unspeakable abuse, You don't even try to fathom the half of it.
But I can, so I do. I Know how precious all Life is.
I came out fuller with Love & Joy to BE ALIVE to experience freely Myself, with Myself, just as I Am.
And I knew nothing could hold Me down. I've never been a victim because I don't stay down for nothing.
And I had My Heart, most of all, best of all, to Love all that is My Life to Love with.
You stood there, looking at Me with Loving eyes, watching Me figuring Self out.
Carefree & Light on My toes.
Everywhere I go, I shared with You discoveries of all that was in Me... from Me and from the World.
I was thankful to see Me as I truly Am in Your eyes back then.
It was the sanity My damaged brain needed.
Because what You reflected was true to My Heart, because I felt it right there.
You comforted Me that there was nothing wrong with Me, & all wrong done to Me was not because of Me.
That I was a good person.
You brought out the innocence I always kept locked away from the world, to come out & play & to just BE, in My Nature, the true North node to My Soul.
Your encouragement by the way You believed in Me AND supported in ways You did with Your kind acts of Love thru understanding of how tender Heart I truly Am.... therefore treated Me as such.
I felt seen for the first time, because it requires no vulnerability in a coming out with the REAL ME, & I could trust what You seen in Me.
And that lifted Me, so deeply felt I acknowledged the strength I always was but always denied; But, with Your help in every way You pushed Me, allowed Me to forsee, all that I Am strengthened is from within to without.
Now that, I, Myself, is the one Who can, do anything, I give thanks to You for showing Me thru the way You Loved Me then.
So I took the glowing feeling of a pure Love felt for the first time & soared to heights of Who I Am.
Discovering what makes My wings stronger by what was in My best interests was a difficult fun stage act. Turns out it took a lot of growing pains to figure how to BE Me... a neverending episodic facades that I faced off with, as every single transformative state requires a shed. I've had so much resurrection of Self, I'm a 500 pound Anaconda.
In the flight to go where I've never gone before, to heights & depths of My Self discovery. I've had to go where No One but I could go.
I was learning on My Own, what it took to rise above fear of the unknown Me.
With a primal navigational awareness of where, Who Am I, is relative to Who I Am.
I went with what I knew I could trust as My guide....
My Gut to protect My Life force that keeps Me going forward.
My Intuition to trust the wisdom of all that Am I, to BE.
My Heart held anchor to all things that are Loving to Me, the Light to My home of belonging.
My Mind along for the mapping of the boundaries that define the great I AM.
Each time, in My homecoming, You were there to greet Me.
I felt so Lovable, to have a Person look'n out for Me, look'n up to Me in My landing.
But....
Each time I came back differently. I sEEn it in You, Your eyes, Your ways of Loving Me, changed with each different parts of Myself I came back as.
And You were hurt more & more each time. And this broke My Heart every time.
For....
I never wanted Your precious Love to die because of Who Am I becoming is now unbecoming of Who I Am, I became to You.
I never made an intentional choice to hurt You during the pursuits of healing & becoming whole in Me.
Yet My BEing always hurt You anyway.

And to watch a slow death of Who I was when She was the one You so innocently Loved, die.... and I die too.
I see it in Your eyes, Your ways.
I'm so sorry I became the Person, Who now wishes You never Loved Me, because I Am a cost, a detriment to Your
HEART.
For...
It never occurred to Me, that I could do You any wrong, it's not in Heart to do it.
I'm never for BEing against You.
BUT
I will never be against Me, ever again.
This is where We are at odds.
My Love is at a crossroads, which feels like a malfunction junction.
Do I choose You, Do I choose Me, is the, We, worth the costs of broken Hearts over & over again as time has shown?
I don't know.... I feel it's all coming to a head, because I can't ever unBE Who I've fought to find & become as True Me that I know.
Yet, I've become someone Who cannot unBE all the damage I've innocently done to You.
Slowly killing You, the best parts of You that I knew, that Loved Me, just as I was. Because it's killing Me.
I WANT TO LIVE
Oh, so very badly.
I WANT TO DIE
Thank You for confirming to Me, what I know is true in what I must do, is meant to be.
I cannot stand what We've become, I see it all in Your eye..
Now I Am ready to die....
I will take with Me, in a blame of only I.
Off to the March of a death, an execution of Who You fell in Love with.
Because You deserve to Live a Life full of all Your worth, I will not deny.
Once, yet again, I Am, the Undertaker. Ready & willing to hold hands with My LifeLong Friend, My Angel of Death, Whom I Love so purely.
I can end this slow Death, with a swiftness, so that there'll be no more prolonged pain, at the hand of My Love, in You, in We, but most of all, in Me.
In the end, I must chose Me, should I ever exist in My God given gift of My Life, graciously bestowed upon Me.
When I choose Me, then You can be free, from a Love that tears You down.
I know it'll hurt Me badly to let go, but even more if I don't.
It is My responsibility to take accountability & admit some things just can't go on, if I have the power to change it.
Because....
I innocently gave You wounds, but You could never know or understand what that means to Me.
But Your ever flowing pain from a bleeding Heart, is enough why You need to know.
And We've grown so far apart, that there's no way back, because what's wrong with Me for You, comes from My BEing Who I cannot unBE.
This is something I can never get You to understand... because We already parted ways on, Who I really Am.
It's not My place to tell You Who I Am to You. Because then I'll never know what I really Am to You.
Thank You for being clear about Who I Am to You. Giving Me no choice but to do what I feel is best.
The only place I can take, is knowing & BEing, Who I Am to Me & Live it each day. This is where I have trust & faith of all My "why's" to get Me thru to Live another day.
Now We must take Our places, rightfully next to Ourselves.
I support You in what You believe about Me.
And I support Me too.
But I can only BE of guaranteed difference to, but only One Person, it is Me.
And this is where I must say, this is the end.
You don't deserve the pain, & neither do I. Please can We just kiss & say good bye. And begin on Our way to mend.
That's about all We can do to make the best of this situation.
I'm trying to salvage what is left of My Love, to preserve in My Heart, what was once so Lovely. I'm sorry it wasn't Your worth, but I'll take what's left of Me & make it My worth, to add to My Heart & Spirit, as I continue this walk to becoming all that I Am meant to BE.
I Am & always will Love You tho. This is the strength I have to give You, what You won't give Yourself, a freedom from all I Am that hurts You. So please take care. I wish You all the best, and I keep You in My Heartfelt prayers, for a Life of Your worth. Atawishamush 💜