I awaken


Rub my eyes

Judge the size

Of my shaking




Have they grown bigger?


I’m attached


Yet not






Weighed down on my bed sheets

I can’t feel my heartbeat




But is this living?




I’m lost in a sea of people

That don’t feel real


They’re mechanic

Can’t seem to understand my panic


They speak to me

With computer-generated responses

Automatic processes

And all that I can assess from this is


Maybe I just don’t get it


and I look to see that


The wifi is on

Four bars detected

But I constantly long to be truly connected



It’s because my brain is storming

And that’s why nothing is stabilizing


I tear myself apart




I drown beneath chlorinated waves

Of depression



When I breach

I catch a glimpse of blue skies

An endless stretch of heaven

I reach out only to be pulled back in


Why can’t I feel any sensation?


They tell me to snap out of it

Get back to my senses

How could I

When there are wired fences?


A caged animal in confinement

There’s no place to hide and

I’ll be the first to admit I’m not fine

All I need is a little more time


A little more time


A little more time


A little more time


Well I’m running out of time


Running out of time


Running out of time


Running out of time


In frustration and lost patience

I down fifteen pills

In hopes of compensation


Death approaches me

His boney fingers wrap around my throat

But even Death knows of mercy

Or torture, I don’t know

But he lets go


All I feel is pain

Burning chemicals rush in my veins


Some body





Why does it hurt to be somebody?




What is an identity

When you have lost all attachment?


No body




I’m nobody








Why have you forsaken me


I’m sorry


Lonely child


It’s just a chemical imbalance

And an overprotective mind


My nails dig into my stomach

I rip out my hair

Bite my chapped lips until they bleed


The stranger in the mirror stares back





But is this living?










They search for something the grapple

Fingers wrap around a scalpel

Maybe if I cut myself open

Then that will be helpful


This body

These words

This mind


They’re not mine

My internals can be replaced

This flesh is simply a vessel that confines


I tear myself apart


My head is stuffed with cotton

My shoulders are now stone

I have camera lenses for eyes

And false hope in my bones


I stitch on a crooked smile

And attempt to sew together

The scraps of who I used to be






But is this living?




My lover embraces me


Through her eyes

I saw a hole through the veil of reality

Through her lips

She breathes life into me


We kiss




I sigh




But is this living?


I realize


Yes, despite it all


She caresses my cheek

I am reminded that battles aren’t fought alone


My love

You’re alive


She takes my hands

And traces the fading scars

Of year old cuts

On her fragile pale arms


I too, have felt pain

I too, have felt sorrow

I too, have felt hopelessness

But we’ll live for tomorrow


Love, you’re in a body

I love you because you embody

My world, my stars, my galaxy


You are somebody


Even when you feel like nothing


Love, look at me

She whispers




She lifts me up from the bedsheets

My heart beats again


I am alive


And I have awoken


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