When you look at me what do you see?

A Girl?

A freak?

Nothing?

What about pain?

 

I hide in a corner of my mind

Refusing to believe what everyone tells me

Trying so hard not to let my mind run rampid

To ignore the voices in my head telling me to just Give Up

 

My demons, there are many

They are strong and tend to win

They have names to

 

First there’s Ana

A girl so skinny

She makes a size 2 look fat

She invades my mind

Seeming friendly at first

Oh how little did I know

Her whispers have become my life

“Don’t eat this”

“Don’t eat that”

“Dont eat”

 

Second Is Perrie

A girl who hides

Never trusts anyone

Anyone but me

I thought she was just trying to help

I was wrong

she tells me the terrors of the world

“They’re out to get you”

“They want to kill you”

“You will always get hurt.”

And over my shoulder I look

 

Third, Annie

She’s not an orphan

Hides her skin and doesn’t speak

She doesn’t need to

She taught me to hide

She taught me that everyone only talks shit

Nothing but horrors in being seen

“Be invisible”

“You can’t be seen. They’ll be cruel.”

“They can see your darkest secret.”

 

Next comes Addie

She’s been around my whole life

Never failing to grab my attention

I learned to live with her

Now she’s taken me captive with her ideas

Her dreams

Her words

“This isn’t important.”

“Let’s sleep.”

“That boy is more interesting than history.”

 

Olive is another story

Keeping me insane with possibilities

Papers aren’t scattered

Pictures are straight

Can’t have it any other way

That’s my mistake
“Clean more.”

“Not neat.”

“Not perfect.”

 

Izzy is scariest

Her ways are subtle

Written off as stress
Homework

Staying up willingly

That is how she kills you

“You don’t need sleep.”

“The dark is full of thoughts.”

“You will live.”

She’s a lier

 

Cat is one of the worst

She seemed promising

Gave a way out of pain

Even if just for a little bit

After the first it just doesn’t stop

She’ll always win

“Just one more.”

“What do they care? It’ll help. Promise.”

“You can never stop.”

 

Deb was a forced relationship

She smashed her way into my life

I had no say in this one

Tears and pain follow her wherever she goes

Makes sense she’d find me too

I made the perfect subject

“No one cares.”

“No one loves you.”

“You’re all alone.”

 

Last but not Sue

She’s by far the worst

Not even wanting you to live

She whispered in my ear

And I started to listen

She made a mess of me

“Shoot the bullet. They’d all be happy.”

“Take the pills. No one will save you.”

“Make it so deep they can’t stitch it back together.”

 

I fight these girls every day

No one knew till now

And still they are My Secret Family