I know how it goes, I’ve been in this position one too many times.

I’ve deciphered friends from foes, while making way for the disrespect and forgetting my goals.

Just adding to the numbers for him to exclaim “I got hoes”, so yes

I know how it goes.

I made my decision, I laid in that bed, I opened my legs,

I hoped he would see my dedication, but you know a grown woman never begs

But was one there?

I knew what he wanted, I just didn’t care.

A rebellious soul, drawn in by an expanding black hole, but now I know.

It wasn’t me he wanted.

It wasn’t the vibrant black queen offering more than what lies inbetween.

It was the insecure female that grew out of wounding judgments.

It was the naïve teenager deceived by true love.

It was the little girl silenced by her fear of rejection.

Looking back now, I wondered how it happened,

 Then I remembered.

I had inappropriate hands in inappropriate places.

Inappropriate conversations with familiar faces.

Painting on my smile because I believed I could fake it

Hiding my truth because there was no way I could face it, but when I could no longer make it I asked God to erase it.

Am I worthy of forgiveness? I believed it, but

Would this prayer be enough to mend it because that life was precious and I had no right to end it

So I confessed it, he knew I would survive it.

I no longer had to hide from it because he took control of it and in the end I concluded this.

I could have sealed that door, but I am a queen worthy of so much more.