My Pencil

Thu, 12/28/2017 - 14:10 -- stsang0

Dear Uncle Riki,

 

Only when it’s black as dark as the past can sometimes be

Until the lead cracks and bark burns when we will finally see

Words left behind that act as marks of your memory

Answer back, I may not last, please come back to me

 

It’s funny because if you did I wouldn’t even recognize your face

Would you hate me for that, love me, cry, or call me a disgrace

Erase my name from your mind, a mistake turned into white space

Redraw me to your liking, erase me again, until I don’t resemble my dad’s base

Because you were more than just my dad’s best friend, he had even given you the grace

To be my uncle and my godfather, that was your intended place

 

But I don’t even remember you

Because I was only a young boy and the timing wasn’t right

But mom said you would have bought me all the toys and been my shining knight

But you died, before I could even write

My name and it was premature, it was like you didn’t even try to fight

The pain, and I’m mature enough now to know it probably wasn’t light

But god freaking damnit I wish you could have gotten right

 

Excuse my language but I’m not going to lie

What you did was extremely fucked up and really dry

You know you made my daddy fucking cry

And it makes me so angry how I look at that picture of you and the guys

All the time and still don’t know which one you are

You know the one where you’re all at some paradise in Mexico, sitting at a bar

How you’re so close to me in the picture frame yet so far

Isn’t that weird that I don’t recognize my own godfather

 

 

Thinking about you uncle is a hard thing to try

I try to grip the concept like my pencil, like how I write

Cus I write now uncle, I want to be an author in this life

I’m also setting off for college soon on one of these nights

I wish you could have been there for my first date because I heard you were pretty cool

I wish you could have seen me when I walked the stage and graduated from school

I wish you could have given me talks about how the world is cruel

So I didn’t have to learn from mean kids who treated me like a tool

I wish you were around because it would have been nice having a second dad

It would have been nice to know someone who knew how to deal with being sad

 

Because Uncle sometimes all I want is to fly away

Like you once did during that lonely day in May

But I won’t because you helped pave the way

To show me what not to do when the sky is looking gray

But I don’t hold it against you

Because you ultimately made me a stronger in a different kind of way

And finally I want you to know that dad still talks about you almost every day

 

Sometimes Uncle I wonder why you chose to die

Why you left your own mother and made her cry

But I understand now sometimes we succumb to vice

Sometimes our erasers grind down and lead snaps even when it looks sharp and right

And though I don’t entirely agree with your actions

I still like to imagine you as my strong shining knight

And just know I’ll love you forever until my faction with life too arrives

When the day comes when all of this doesn’t bite

And I actually get to recognize your face Uncle when we meet in paradise. 

 

Spencer

This poem is about: 
Me
My family
Our world
Poetry Terms Demonstrated: 

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