My mind is racing

 By: Hannah Bubar

 

My mind is racing,

And my eyes are tracing the bathroom floor.

Count the cracks in the tile,

One, two, three, four,

The girl who just walked into the bathroom, better not look through the

Crack between the stall and the door,

She’ll see me freaking out,

That won’t be good because I don’t want to look weak.

She just left, she only came in to blow her nose.

The girl in the stall next to mine is crying,

She’s trying to hide it, but I can hear her and feel her pain.

We’re just a couple of girls going to the bathroom to have our mental breakdowns,

And when we come out of the bathroom, we will pretend that we’re fine.

But I’m still not fine,

I walk back into my class and my teacher is walking around the classroom,

Checking if everyone is doing their work, but I want him to check on me,

Because I’m not fine,

I’m trying so hard to breathe and feel like everything is okay,

But it’s not, I’m drowning,

Drowning in my thoughts, and not even the air in the atmosphere can help me breathe.

I’m crawling underneath my skin, I think I’m not damaged, but this anxiety attack says

Otherwise.

When I get like this, I can barely think.

My thoughts swirl around and I can’t hold on to them,

So when people ask me, “Why are you anxious?”

I can’t tell you, because I don’t even know why.

I need a pill to help me feel better.

Not to OD or get high, but  actually use the pill for what it’s for.

My anxiety clings on to me, like a child wrapped around their dad’s leg,

But I can feel my anxiety all around me.

It’s like I have this dark cloud surrounding me, and following me wherever I go.

Count to 10 and breathe,

But I can’t breathe!

I’ve had this for so long, and I want to escape it, but it’s inevitable.

I guess I just have to succumb

To this numb feeling,

Of screaming in my head,

Until I am dead.