My Hunger
"You need to eat more"
"You are too thin"
Man, if it was that easy,
then this disease I would win.
I am well aware of my eating disorder
I am well aware my life is not in order
However,
I do eat.
I might not consume the amount of calories that my body needs,
but it is a process.
Many people congratulated me on my success,
on
being thinner.
However the compliments stopped as soon as they saw I wasn't getting better.
Only worse.
No one has been helping me.
I have fought this alone.
I have made my own doctors appointments,
even if I begin to tremble while on the phone.
This has shaped my character in a way that is indescribable.
I have found a strength in myself
A strength that I had put on a shelf
so long ago.
My hunger now
comes with trying to live
go out and see the world
and possibly go jump off a cliff.
My hunger now is to live to see the day my sister gets married
instead of allowing myself to be six feet under, buried.
I am well aware of my condition, however
The people who do nothing to help me are no better.
I have slowly began to gain the pounds back
I am getting my life back on track.
The more that life goes on,
I realize I truly did not have much time,
not at all.
My hunger to be happy overcomes it all
because I refuse to let this disease
make me fall.