My year

My year?

A roller coaster taking a nose dive off a pier.

 

I've lost some,

Far and near.

Some close and dear.

But I persevere

 

I ask myself, why am I here?

Where do I stand?

Can I raise my hand?

Am I capable of making it to the new year?

 

I'm lost in my mind

Screaming at the hands of time

Screaming at these thoughts of mine

 

These thoughts have subsided 

But I'm still not righted

I feel slighted

 

My education has taken my saving

My financial safety is waving

Goodbye.

 

Nice try

I thought I was saving you and I

But now I'm a strain and I don't know why

 

What did i do wrong?

How I failed to be strong

 

I broke.

 

My throat choked and I broke

I thought I could cross that bridge

Run far from this, from what this is

But I can't

 

I can't understand the events that unfold

The stories left untold

I feel like I am not in control

Of my own narrative, like this one mold

Is all that I am allowed to hold

 

What if this doesn't fit me?

What if this story wasn't meant for me?

 

What if I'm not...

Good enough.

 

Stood up

From my potential

From what I need to stand for

From what others raise their hands for

 

My hands

My hands are low

They do not show

They hold back

From their own attack

A self-loathing protest that I cannot profess

 

No one will know

Oh,

No one will know

Oh.

 

I don't share

Not because I do not care

But because I have seen that stare

Vacant and unaware

No one near has the answers here

To know how I'm feeling with each breath

Sinking lower with each step

Falling into the abyss of unfeeling depth

 

I revive

I survive 

I stay alive

 

I feel and I heal and I reel with the possibilities of sharing

Of caring

In a time when everyone is angry but no one is moving

Just losing their mind

Know this year

This year my hands will be kind

 

To myself and others

We will raise

Share praise

And be grateful we still have time

Use these days

To be saved.