My First Child

I remember the day you were born, I was just a kid myself, afraid of so many things… but most of all, afraid of loving you.

I once held you in my arms, with a warm embrace, a precious kiss I did make. I gazed into your soft blue eyes and took a picture of your face, I was losing you.

Weeks went by and the time passed made it hurt, you once live in my womb, but now in my heart. I walked down life’s path, I felt so alone, I would look into little girls eyes, and wonder if you would be happy in your new home… I was missing you.

I wondered if you would ever love me the way I love you, I wondered what kind of thoughts you were going to have, if my decision made you happy or sad. Would you wish upon a falling star? And dream of one day me having you again?... I was loving you.

Memories made things hard, remembering our days in the NICU, I have a constant ache in my heart, day and night, when I think of you. Kids make me sad, New parents make me mad. I needed you.

One day you will know why I did this to you, you may not understand, you may not care. They deserved that precious girl I created, with you out of my life, times were so hard, at points, I was sure I was not going to make it. I did not do this for me, though some people may think, I did this for a princess I love, I did this for you, Zayleigh. I have always loved you.



And when she's old enough to know,

and the maturity of her womanhood shows--

She will undertand and know--

you could only have loved her to let her go.

Maybe she'll find you,

Maybe she won't.

But know this-- 

You are powerful than most

You are brave beyond measure

You are more loving than any mother.

For you were the birthmother

And you chose for her, a better life..

For this reason, Zayleigh will love you forever.

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