I’ve worked so hard. & I still remember the day I felt stuck....

I felt like there was no way up. 

I convinced myself everyday that I was a fuck up. 

I would smile to the mirror but felt the sorrow run through my veins.

I was a prisoner in my own body and held captive by my thoughts and the opinions of the people around me. 

As strong as I was or could of been, my love for myself went astray. 

Distracted. 

My mouth filled with poison as I chased it down with a drink. 

“Let me disappear” I cried. 

I felt the words flow fast like the liquor on my lips.

But the booze wasn’t the only strong thing clouding my vision.

I spit out its venom, blood tears and sorrow poured out. 

“This is not who you are!” 

Feeling like I was on the road to nowhere, merely a lost old soul searching for happiness and affection. 

“Life Keeps; Going” became my daily phrase I had tatted a crossed my wrist as a cry for inspiration. 

A burst of pain that felt good. 

Your story does not end here, you have merely only begun. 

Imagine all the good that is here but you are too focused on your pain and the deprivation of love. 

“Nothing grows in a comfort zone” I repeatedly reminded myself. 

“I know you are scared, but let your fears take you to greater heights. Don’t be scared of the fall. Just simply enjoy the view.” 

Did I have enough motivation, discipline, and self respect to change ? 

Was I strong enough to get healthy or was this who I truly was? 

An insecure girl who seeked for approval and love. 

I didn’t know who I was. 

I didn’t even know what was beautiful about myself. 

I used to cover up with makeup and designer clothes, anything to make me feel like I was what people wanted to see. Losing all realization of what and where beauty truly was. 

I look in my mirror today and I don’t only see my beauty but I can feel it. 

It started out slow.. and then it started to grow. 

I started feeling like a piece of nature rather then a disposable female. 

I looked at my flaws and imperfections and told them they were beautiful anyways.

My words turned from poison to the purest water as if it had just rained. 

I felt the purity take over me, and soon enough my eyes began to focus. 

The blurry visions became clearer now. The rough patches softened and the air tasted sweeter.

Passion flared up like the spark to a wild fire. 

I was truly on fire now. 

I wanted health, I wanted happiness, I wanted forgiveness, I wanted love, I wanted freedom. 

I felt an angel touch my shoulder. 

I knew as my hair moved in front of my face without a gasp of wind that I wasn’t alone. 

With each conscious decision I began to make, I started to notice the language of the Universe becoming more fluent. 

As I spoke reassuring thoughts, my shoulders began to relax. 

My tongue and jaw slowly softening. 

My imperfections slowly drifted away as I filled my soul with all the love it had been seeking for. 

I forgave myself and others for all of the pain and regret that no longer resides within my head and heart.

Today, I am truly happy with myself. 

I am a perfect imperfection and I will never stop evolving.