I once heard taking your own life
is a selfish thing
but now think asking someone
to live when they no longer want to
is even more selfish.
I threw white towels over my mirrors in 2011:
when my grandfather died,
when I gave up on my appearance.
I never took them down because
I don’t know when grieving stops.
How many pills do I have to pop before
a disoriented night turns into a parasuicide?
When I lie in bed I tend to zoom out,
an out of body experience.
I look down at my recently left body,
fade away to see my house’s chimney.
I start to see the world through a map.
Then I see tree lines
then new jersey
then mountain ranges
the east coast
unlit skies clouds stars meteors galaxies universes
all of a sudden mass genocide and going to work
will have the same effect upon
the landscape and atmosphere of the earth.