Dear mother

I'm trapped in the dark about to reach out

That's when I look around to hear a voice speaking

When I look around but remember you don't have a mother

 

For you're alone in this world there's no female figure who cares enough about you

For you to put them up there on that high and mighty mother's pedestal

For nobody wants no female wants you as their daughter

For you are not worthy of their motherhood

 

I yell out I scream out as tears fall down my face

Stop talking Just shut up already It's not true it's not.. true

If that were so then why were you abused

Then why were you forced to call a woman who abused you who didn't want you who didn't love you… mother

 

Nobody forced you after it was just your father

Who told you too who made you speak highly of that vile being

And the person who birthed you is nothing more than psychological case who hears voices telling her to kill you

So tell me how are you wanted how are you loved how is it that anyone wants you to be their daughter

 

And as a response I sit there in silence thinking

Could she be right

That I'm not wanted that I'm not need that I'm not loved

That I'm nothing more than a waste of space to the point we're a female believes she has to abuse me or has voices telling her to kill me

 

I shake my head no stop thinking like that

As a new voice that's bartone reaches out to challenge the old voice of discretion

This new voice calls out look at me for you need to look up to see the realization

So I looked up to see a man standing there

 

He's covered in scars covered in all inflicting pain covered in all the wounds that cannot be forgotten no matter how much I try to forget

And he stands there smiling at me he embraces me despite the fact that I have hurt him

Therefore I do not understand why he is comforting me

 

And yet he looks at me as if he knows what I'm thinking telling me that he's the one who's been taking the brunt of it all

So I wouldn't be scared so I wouldn't be truly broken so I would be sheltered with even without knowing it

 

This new voice tries to tell no this new voice over powers my own weakness

You are beautiful and you are loved

No I do not believe I'm beautiful but I do know I am loved

You are not alone

 

I know I'm not alone I just let that viperess make me forget about him the one who is the real voice that needs me to hear him

She made me forget who I actually am

That old voice the viperess bares her fangs trying to spread her poisonous lies

But she is slain as she reminds me of something

 

That I am motherless…

No I'm not motherless  for there's a female out there who loves me the way I am

A female who encourages me

A female who's been there since the beginning..

 

I'm sorry that I've been saying that I'm motherless for so long

I'm sorry that it took me so long to realize that you are my mother

That you were the one who cradled me to sleep every night.. for 2 years

It was 2 years.. the first two years of my life you were my constant

 

You were my everything no, no that's not true for still mean everything to me

You may not be my mother by birth but you still are my mother

For calling you Aunt does not feel right

For it does not give me that satisfaction

That sense of peace that sense of belonging that connection that I've been longing for without realizing that I already have what I've been searching for

 

And with this realization I can breathe freely as silver light embraces my world dancing about in the dark

And I now know I am home I am where I belong

That there is a female who loves me just as much as her children to where she calls me daughter

And I can finally say I am no longer motherless for I have a mother