The Monsters Inside Me

Depression hiding behind me everywhere I go. The sensation of fully sorrowful cries. Leading me to the urge. What urge you may ask? The urge of sheer thirst for blood. The smell and sight of the beautiful red concoction makes me drunk on the urge to see, to feel the blood trickle down my arms and legs. My body craves to be sliced open like a fresh bun of bread. The endorphins racing through my body like wild mustangs. The thought of all the happiness of what ifs fills my already cluttered mind. I try to convince myself not to create pain I feel into a happier soul. The ones I love most don’t need that on their minds. Them wondering “is it my fault.” No one is to blame but myself. The monster of depression and anger is growing larger. The dark mass of gloom, hatred, and anger is growing to the size of my lonely world. The dark mass is engulfing me. I fight back but the urge is to strong. I hide in the dungeon of my own personal hell. I reside, waiting, hoping all of pain and misery goes away. I scream till my voice is gone. I throw everything because it is all I can do to express my silent, hoarse voice. Ripping up my past, ripping everything off my walls. All that shows is the white abyss of a room. Showing how lonely one can be. I try to continue my rant but I run out of energy and fall to my knees. The tears falling to the floor are creating little mirrors where I can see the monster inside me. The real me fights to break out. I look into the reflection. I see a happy person begging to be set free and open its angel like wings to flow freely in the happiness of others.  Stop and scream faintly thinking of the happy thoughts of yesterday once more. “Ahhhhh.” Okay I think. I stand up and force myself to smile. I can think clearly again. The monsters are gone for now. I won the battles I have fought inside myself. I have no scars to show of today. 

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