Monster in Remission

Challenged by fury, calmed by affection
Why do I feel this way I ask, to which I get the inevitable answer ‘I don’t know’
I’m loved by those who matter
But a selfish part of me says it’s not enough
What more could I want?
Caressed by the one destined
A fire sparks from within
Tears, a sign of weakness one which I can’t withhold
They fall, teardrop by teardrop hardening the core
Stopping seems impossible, leaving me empty, void to no emotion
Chipped pieces of perfectness flow along with the hurt, falling to the pitiless pit
Consumed with growing rage something I have no control
Ready to burst it has no way
Trapped and enchained it waits
Enclosed in red and black it’s only amusement, to dwell on the hate
Stronger and fiercer it gets
Cutting deeper and profounder to the striking sterling wrath
It has come to the point where it sees only crimson
All signs of tranquil vanished and replaced
Must I too give in, to the monster waiting so openly to be embraced?
Forget forgive and learn to hate?
For you see it lives inside of me
A reminder always of something I can choose to be
But I refuse to strip of every respectable title
The monster pushes and pulls reeling in everything I’ve felt
From love, something I vaguely remember
To hate, something that overwhelmed me more often than not
I have awakened it and I have to face my mistakes
Wet lashes from tears I walk to face my fears
Shuddering in bones which soon won’t be mine if it decapitates my soul
Pissed and ready it comes charging
An internal battle wearing us both
Another tear slips, not from sadness but instead sympathy when I see it dying
A burden it was but company nonetheless
Who am I without it inside?
A lighter feeling now resides in its place
The chains gone and cleared, flowers bloom
Darkness evaporated and in came the doe
Is this what you call love, giddy and heart skipping? I will never know

Guide that inspired this poem: 


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