Silvery silence I met underwater.
Couldn’t speak and no one could hear me
There was satisfaction in stillness
because I had nothing to say

But I learned the awful feeling it is
to have something weighing on your mind
and have no one to share the burden with
No one to save you from sinking

Harmonious throbbing reverberates from the heart and brain
when you’re drowning in millions of lethal droplets
Suffocated by your own thoughts
I need to speak right now like need to breathe

A motion rising from my chest
clamoring, ready to bubble out
and offend unfortunate bystanders
with a desperate splash

I am new and I have no humans here
Not unable, but unavailable
No human waiting to catch the cancerous pain in my mind
that I need to cut off and throw away

I must keep it
A little longer, a little longer
Hold my breath
A little longer, a little longer

Until I am cold and sick and shivering with loneliness in this sea of bodies
Take out my phone and pretend to be concerned with an email from Jamba Juice
It’s a BOGO coupon. So not funny.
Still, I pretend it’s more important than the friends I don’t have

Feet planted to the ground, mouth cemented shut
I want to master speech but I am scared to speak.
I want to be a friend but I am scared to befriend.

So for now I will sit on this beige floor alone
Caught between intention and action
cold and sick and shivering with loneliness in this sea of bodies

Until I finally did cry out
And learned to exhale.