You don't have antibodies.

If you don't have antibodies, you can't have mono.

You don't have mono.

I don't have mono?

 

Lying on the Doctor's table

wondering if I was now claustrophobic 

hadn't gone to class

the doctor comes in

I tell her what I know

she says, I'll test you for mono

maybe that'll explain why you're so tired

but I'm not 

tired

 

I realized I wasn't a kid anymore

when I realized that the adults,

especially the ones who went to Medical school

and have Dr. in front of their name

didn't know, don't know

"well she doesn't have mono" they say (I did)

but we don't really know, maybe some kind of...

post-viral syndrome

 

They were wrong, I had mono

I got the antibodies weeks later

The test finally came back postive

but for weeks, they didn't know

and I didn't know, why was I feeling this way

I was besides myself, outside myself

was it anxiety and depression

was it mono and anemia 

was it all of the above

was it

none of it?

 

Years of schooling, years of experince

and yet

they couldn't tell me what I was experincing 

or why

if you're a woman reading this, especially a teenager

or know of someone

please have your iron/ferritin/%sat levels checked

you'll have to get some blood drawn, but

trust me

It'll be worth it