At night the same nightmare plays over and over. I tell myself that women shouldn’t think, not even alone at night, but the nightmare still prevails. I am sweaty and panting. My legs are sprawled open. I am pushing so hard I feel my veins burst and my blood might finally be still. All the men who have ever invited themselves to touch my body are here. They are all caressing me. I am screaming and pushing. Finally I feel my insides rip open. I hear crying, but I don’t see who it is that’s crying. My eyelids flutter and I fall into a deep sleep. So deep that I never wake up.

I have only one other wish.

I pray it’s not a girl.