I write in hopes of being understood
Because explaining how I feel has not been my best
At night, I imagine scenarios that will never come
Hoping, always hoping, I’d fall asleep soon.
but some nights, images and scenes I’m afraid of pop up.
And I can’t shake them from my mind.
My body shakes.
My heart races.
My breath uneven and heavy.
And I close my eyes against the darkened room,
Repeating her name over
again until the image fades, and I’m once again left
with my happy movie that whisks me
away to the escape of sleeping.
And everyday is the same but different.
Same morning routine.
Same bus ride.
Same movie playing behind my eyes at night.
And I just wish someone could break me of this routine
because I feel like I’m falling faster and faster
into a hole of despair.
I don’t want to be that person.
I won’t be that person.
I am not Alice.
I will not fall down that hole.